Wine had always been a source of relaxation and fun until it wasn't.
In the last two years, the pandemic painfully made a lot of things clear for me. My mental health suffered and though I had many tools in my toolbox, I needed the easiest and quickest available which I thought was alcohol.
Stressed? Have a drink!
Tough Day? Have a drink!
Cooking dinner? Have a drink!
Date night? Night out with friends? (I haven't been social in a year. Scary!) Have a drink!
Night in? Self care night? Have a drink!
This list could go on, for me, there was always a reason. But my one drink.. Would go from one to three to over the course of an evening, and somehow, the entire bottle would be consumed.
And my mornings would always turn into a guilt & shame fest. Whether I said something I regretted, had a tinge of a hangover or felt the repetitiveness of many like mornings stack up. It began to be a heavy mental burden and I would promise myself to do better.
Then sure enough, the next afternoon.. I would begin to bend the rules..
I told myself, You can start doing better on Monday, after the weekend...
On the first of the month..
After that holiday, travel, or event you have planned.
And the evening wine-drinking cycle would repeat.
I was stuck!
I’d talk about it with friends or family members, and they would say, ‘oh me too’ or ‘oh you’re fine, it’s just a stressful time.’ But I knew better. My wine consumption had reached a tipping point where I no longer trusted myself or felt comfortable with my decisions.
And so I had to make a change.
I made a choice.
I decided enough is enough and here were my three reasons why.
1. I want to live in Alignment with My Healthy Beliefs & Core Values
2. I want to To Learn Better Long Term Stress, Depression & Anxiety Skills
3. I wanted to win back my own self trust
I found a reset group, books, podcasts, and looked to examples of people I knew who had gotten sober as inspiration. I journaled, I created boundaries and let go of people and habits that no longer served me. It was a process. It’s still a process. But damn! I’m more hopeful than ever and I wake up every morning celebrating my choices and this new path.
I feel free! Alive! And grateful!